This sermon-only transcript omits timestamps, worship music, announcements, and session logistics. YouTube’s automatic captions may contain errors.

Um, and so why am I here to talk about something as personal as parenting? Um, but I'm really honored because I get to do this with Isaac. And Isaac and I have known each other uh now for well over a decade. Actually, the first time I met Isaac, I was a senior here at PUC and I was invited by my best buddy to go on a mission trip with his church during spring break to Honduras and we went and that was the same church that Isaac was at, Calame Mesa. And so I met him as a college student. And then about seven years later, I got hired at that same church and Isaac was still there and we got to be pastors together.

And then a little later, we both were working in the conference youth department together. and we helped lead a junior high conferencewide worship event and we did this game where we took pictures and the students had to guess what kind of shoes we were wearing because it was all the sneaker craze and culture and I dug out an old picture of Isaac and us from that game. Check this out. Huh? If if you don't know that you're in good hands, check that out. Huh? You are in good hands with me and Isaac today. By the way, this was all my idea and being the good person and pastor he is. He said, "Okay." and we did it. So, it was a lot of fun. Um, I've been a youth pastor for uh the teenage uh range of kids for about 15 years now. This was my first youth group I ever had in the Oceanside 7th Day Adventist Church, which is where I'm at

the parks. And uh I love these kids. And these kids now are all grown. I've officiated their weddings. I've prayed over their babies, which is kind of weird to think about. A couple of them now teach at PUC, but it was my first youth group. I was the youth pastor there for about uh five years or so. And then I went to Calamea church where Isaac and I pastored together. Uh and was the youth and young adult pastor there. Uh had a park day that was a lot of fun and just loved these kids dearly. And most of them are now adults. Kind of funny how that happens. Uh and then Isaac and I serving in the conference youth department. Um and I do want to make mention of what I do now as everybody, you know, we're still arriving here. Uh just so if you're not aware, for the last year, I have been directing a new program in our union

territory. The Pacific Union encompasses California, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, and Hawaii. And we created a program called Growing Young Leaders that I want you to know about. It's essentially the church's effort to let our young people know that we love them so much that we want to support them as they find their purpose and their calling. And we want the church to be a place where they can find it. And so what we're doing through growing young leaders in our union is that we are making it possible for young people to become the next leaders of our church by supporting careers in education and pastoral ministry. And so the way it works is that if there is a young person who is deciding where they're going to go to college, what they're going to study, and they want to pursue professional teaching or ministry, they can apply for the Growing Young Leader Scholar. and they submit the application through their home

conference in our union. There are seven conferences. They submit their application each year by the April 15 deadline. If their conference selects them to receive the scholarship and each conference gets two slots each year, so 14 total every year, uh, and if they attend one of the colleges in our union, PUC or Lassiier University down south, they will receive up to $20,000 in tuition assistance per year for four years, renewable. So it's up to 80 grand of tuition they don't have to worry about or I should say you don't have to worry about. Along the way they also get direct mentorship in the program and then when they graduate we do our best to provide career placement assistance so they get that dream job in that church or in that school. So it's this really great program. We have 58 scholars in the program right now that I get to work with and support who are receiving this scholarship, receiving

the mentorship. They are going to be the next great teachers and pastors in the Adventist church. And it's just so exciting. We even have several of them here uh working at camp meeting, involved in camp meeting, and we have a lot of them who attend PUC. So, Growing Young Leaders is a great program. If you want to know more, I'm not going to share too much more about that right now. We've got other things to talk about. But if you know of a young person, whether they're your child or another, who's thinking about maybe being a teacher or a pastor, tell them about Growing Young Leaders. Follow Growing Young Leaders on Instagram or Tik Tok, Growing Young Leaders. It's a great way to see what we're about, what we do. You can share it with them. Hey, check out this Instagram page. Pastor Erin's talking about this scholarship.

If you have questions, reach out to me. Let me know. But part of growing young leaders, too, and segueing to what we're doing is that I get to go around our union and meet with teenagers and young people and talk to them about calling and purpose. And it is just so so much fun to hear from our young people. That might give me a little feedback here with the uh monitor. Maybe I can turn it that way a little bit. Thank you. Um, and and so I've been fortunate to have uh about 15 years of of experience with uh teenagers. By the way, I mentioned the social media. If you're interested, check it out at uh Growing Young Leaders. Um, but I should also say that while I have lots of years working with teenagers and young adults, I am not a parent. And I just need to name that that I I am here to talk about uh parenting practices, but I'm not one,

which means really you're the experts and I should be listening to you. I get that. This is my wife, Paige. Uh she just graduated with her uh masters in marriage and family therapy to be a therapist. And we're super happy and we do hope to have kids one day, but we don't yet. So, I just want to name that and acknowledge that maybe I'm not the expert so much, but I just have experience in youth ministry. So, we want to talk about your teenagers. And I have been with many of your teens this week. If your teens are in junior high or high school, I've been speaking to the high schoolers every morning and the junior high students every evening. Uh I got to be here last year as well and do the same. So this is my second year in a row speaking for camp meeting and I love it and I just want to say your teens are

awesome because I've been spending a lot of time with them. They've been so sweet to me. They have made it so much fun and I when I spend time with them and I look at them um it just gives me the same hope I feel when I visit schools across our union which is like I love our young people. So thank you for what you've done to raise some pretty amazing kids. And the fact that they're awesome tells me that you're awesome because you raised them. Parenting is hard. You've done a good job. You're doing a good job. And we are not here, Isaac and I are not here to tell you that you're doing anything wrong. Anything that we say is not meant to shame you for not doing it. It's just meant to maybe be supportive and helpful on your parenting journey. So, thank you for your commitment to these guys, your teenagers. Because the truth is, teens

are a unique creature, aren't they? Uh, do you ever hear that Mark Twain quote? He said, "When your child turns 13, put them in a wooden barrel and feed them through a hole." And then he says, "When they turn 16, plug the hole." And I bet there are some days you can really relate to that statement because teenagers are unique. And we're talking about young adults. Maybe you have kids in college. Maybe you have pre-teens and you're gearing up for that season of life. And it's tough with teenagers because you love them so much. And it's natural that as a parent, you want their acceptance. You want teens to look at you as their beloved parent, their role model, their hero who they just can't wait to say, "Yes, mom, and yes, dad, too." Of course, you would love that, whether or not that's reality. Um, at the same time, even though you naturally want their acceptance, uh, you know that

you're not a friend, you're a parent, which is a very different role. So, there will be times, of course, that they don't like you very much. And I imagine that when those times especially come, it still hurts. Even if you can't show it inside, it hurts any time that you recognize your child just isn't happy with you right now, especially as they're becoming little adults. And maybe it was cute when they were four and they pouted, but now they're 14 and it hits a little harder. We get that there is a um a teen I don't know what his title is, but we'll just say a teen expert. His name is Josh Ship, and he talks about the the roller coaster theory. And I think it's a really valuable thing for us to hear as people who work with teenagers or live with teenagers where he says that when you sit in a roller coaster, what is the very first

thing you do when that attendant comes by and secures that lap safety bar? The very first thing you do is what? Check it. You shake it, right? You push it, you pull it, you prod it, you poke it, you shake it. When you are shaking that lap safety bar on the roller coaster, what are we hoping will happen? Do we hope it'll give? Do we hope it's like you shake it so hard that boom, you're like, "Yes." No, you are hoping it holds. You are hoping that it stays firm. Your teen will push and prod and shake because they are doing the same thing. They want to make sure and know it will hold hold firm.

They want to make sure they know that they are safe and they're going to keep pushing and they're going to keep poking. They're going to see how far they can push, but they're really hoping it holds firm. And that's a lot of what parenting can feel like. And especially for teenagers, this is true at a time when so many things in their life feel uncertain. So many things in their life feel unstable. So many things in their life don't feel secure. They just want to know that at the end of the day, if there's one thing that will be stable and secure, it's home. It's dad. It's mom. Okay? Now, that means that when the poking and the proddding and the shoving happens, it doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.

It means you have a teenager. Okay? So, give yourself some grace. You're doing a good job. But I will say that that tension, that poking and that proddding, that parenting and that teenagering and that dynamic, it does go a lot better. We know when the child feels seen and valued, not just controlled. And this is the hard thing because again, you are the parent. So, how can we parent not as a friend, but as a parent, while also making our child feel seen and valued in the process, especially with each year they head towards becoming an adult themselves. And so that leads to us talking about this generation of young people. Now, the majority of your kids are probably generation Z born between 97 and 2012, but I'm guessing some of you then have some Gen Alphas if they're kind of on that border and that's fine. So, I want to focus just briefly on Gen Z, but a lot of it does apply to the older Gen

alphas as well. So, hopefully this is applicable. Now, some of this you already know, so I'm going to go kind of through it quickly, but it is important context. Like, if I were to talk right now about being a Gen Xer, which a lot of you uh probably are, we could already assume pretty safely some things about you. Okay? And so, it's important. Generations are not um mean everybody is identical, but they are good context for understanding how their experience that shapes them is different than our own experience. Okay. So talking about Gen Zers, I think that there are just a couple really crucial things and again this applies to older Gen Alphas as well. A couple of important things to keep in mind. Gen Z are digital natives.

They were born with the technology. Do you remember when you got your first cell phone? I do. I I'm 36, by the way. So I was a junior in high school. the Christmas that we got uh little flip phones. Remember flip phones, man? Man, if I wanted to try to use the internet, it would be like 20 bucks a minute. There was no way I was using the I was flipping it open to make a call to mom if I needed to get picked up or if I wanted to text. Do you remember the T9 texting? So, you'd have to press the three key three times to do the letter F do that's what that was the first phone I got. I'm not a digital native. you're not a digital native, but they are.

What that means for us as we interact with our young people is that we have to remember that they're not when they use a phone, they're not playing with a toy too much. They're using a native form of language for them. Okay. Now, should there be rules and boundaries around their digital lives? Absolutely there should be and it's going to look a little different for every family. Okay? Yes, there should be rules around their digital lives, but understand that they have a digital life automatically. It's something they've always had and been around no matter what age you let them have technology. It's been a part of their world from the day they were born.

And so, what does this look like for a parent? There is a great book called The Anxious Generation. Maybe you've heard of this book by Jonathan Hay. He's a researcher. It is not a uh spiritual book. Okay. He is a he is a clinical researcher uh on the habits and practices of young people as they interact with technology. I recommend this book. And essentially he talks about a big challenge with our young people today. Not saying what their problem is but the challenge that we face in working with young people is real world overp protection combined with virtual world underpro. And you combine those together and it makes it a really hard reality. Okay. So, real world overp protection means fewer unsupervised chances to face risks and solve problems on their own, which is how we develop maturity as young people.

And that can be hard. And look, I am not here to perpetuate any Asian-American parenting stereotypes. That is not why I'm here at all. I will say a lot of American parents struggle with real world overp protection, not letting them fail and figure out things on their own while also struggling with virtual world underprotect setting the right boundaries on their digital lives. But when we set boundaries on digital lives, it's not helpful when we just label all use of screens and technology as bad and evil because that's a native language to them. Again, it's not a toy they went out and bought that you disapprove of. It's a form of language. So, it's not should they or should they not use the screens, it's how can they use them in a healthy and appropriate way, right? And it's the same for us, by the way, because we all got phones, too. So, simply blaming them for using phones doesn't work. We know this. Gen Z are

digital natives in an anxious world. The second thing, have you ever thought about what your high school experience would have been like if social media existed back then? Can we all thank God it didn't? Um, you know, Facebook was just becoming a thing when I entered into college, kind of MySpace a little bit before that, but we did not all have smartphones in the as certainly not in your age. Not I'm not saying you're old, but it's just different generations. Um, yeah, these young people, uh, they don't have the privilege of ignorance. You remember the pressure to fit in when you were in high school? Walking down the hall hoping your outfit feels good, looking at all the other kids, but then we could go home and relax from the pressure to fit in. They don't ever get to. The only time the pressure to fit in socially turns off for them is really when they're asleep. It's always there.

And that can bring about a lot of anxiety. And maybe that's not something we should ridicule them for. Maybe it's something we should empathize with them for. They also know about all the scary things in the world. Man, when I was in high school, I did not know what was happening in Washington. I could barely name who was president probably. They do not have the privilege of ignorance. They know when bombs hit Iran. They know when another school shooting happens in Virginia. They know when there's an earthquake in Venezuela. And they know that it could be them next. they don't have the privilege of ignorance. Even if your child does not have a smartphone, uh their friends do.

And so there's a lot of anxiety around. And this is why I kind of I get it, but I bristle when we're so quick to call them fragile. You know, kids these days, they're just so fragile. Not like us. We were tough when we were young. I'm like, hold on a second. You had to deal with some hard things. Every generation does. They're dealing with some hard stuff. They don't have the privilege of ignorance. So, I don't call them fragile. I call them a strong generation who's had to put up with some stuff that no child should have to. By the way, how would you have liked a global pandemic when you were a teenager? I'm glad I didn't experience that when I was 15 and said I was in my 30s and it sucked then as well.

They're strong. Let's have some empathy for them. Gen Z are digital natives in an anxious world who crave authenticity because there are so many voices always coming at them from every angle. Everybody's got an opinion. Everybody's got a podcast. Everybody's got a show. Everybody's got a real and a YouTube channel and a creator and an influencer and all. There's so many voices. They know there are so many fake people all around them. This is part of the reason why their generation has a large distrust of institutions, which is part of the reason why there was a reluctance to just trust the pastor or the church. Now, we do see currently the uh steep decline of religious involvement for young people in the United States has actually plateaued. So, young people are starting to come back to church, but that's not because there's a trust in the institution per se. We could talk about those reasons at other times. They are looking for authenticity. They want

something that's genuine. So a tip is anything we can do that's especially personal for a young person goes way further than it ever has. So when I meet with groups of youth pastors to talk with them about how to connect with teenagers, I let them know anything you can do that has a personal touch means so much. Well, what does a personal touch means? It means writing a little note to them and giving it to them means so much. It means celebrating the day they got their driver's license like they just, you know, cured a disease because it was so amazing they got their driver's license. it means so much. Or even just saying their name. Now, maybe it's a little different because you're their parent. I get that. But we still like hearing our name in a nice way. Not like you didn't clean your room, you know, saying the name, but but anytime we can say the name because it's a very

impersonal, inauthentic world. So, when they feel authenticity, you're not trying to sell me something. You're not trying to be fake. This is something we have to tell pastors. Don't be sales people. They'll sniff it out in a second. Don't try to act like a teenager. They're going to call you fake right away. Do not if you are older than 18 use the word RZ. They'll just say, "Oh, you're being fake with me." They've got great radars for inauthenticity, so don't do it. There's this cool little comic strip. Maybe you've seen this before. It's now dated. So, it says 15 years ago at the top. It's probably more like 30 years ago, but it makes the point. Okay. 15 years ago. Uh, letters in the mail.

Dean, you've got mail. I got an email. Right today, 220 unread emails. eye roll. Oh my goodness, I got a letter in the mail. Anything we can do that's personal, looking them in the eyes. How are you doing? Goes so far for this generation. So again, Gen Z are digital natives in an anxious world who crave authenticity. You with me so far? All right. So that leads to one other point and then I'm gonna hand it off to my colleague here, which is how do we then have conversations with them and perhaps difficult conversations with them? Well, I just want to say uh it's not easy. It's not easy to talk about hard things with our children.

And I just want to commend you anytime you've even tried to do that because it makes sense that a lot of times it's easier to just say, "I'm not even going to go there. I'll let the teacher I'll let the pastor have that conversation." It's it's just I don't want to have the blowup. I get it. But I also commend you for wanting to make the effort. And again, I I um if you missed the beginning, um I just want to name it again. I I'm not a parent. I'm a youth ministry uh leader by profession. Um and I just want to commend you for for what you do as a parent. But what does it mean to have conversations uh with our young people and how can we do this?

Well, I just love all these pictures from this week. You guys have amazing kids. Um the first thing that I think leads to a successful experience having deep difficult conversations with young people is even as the parent to remember the value of listening. So often we think I got to have the right words. I have to have the right words. I'm going to write out my script and I'm going to use the right words and that is a part of it. But if we are simply in the posture of speaking at them, it's never going to go that great. But if we're trying to have a real true conversation with our teenager or maybe even our young adult, we need to be also not afraid of a posture of listening because we want to understand their experience. We just talked a lot about the unique experiences of their generation. How would it make a difference if they really felt mom and

dad get that my upbringing brings some challenges? They get the hard things of what it's like to grow up in 2026. Suddenly that trust just escalates so much. And then they're willing to have those conversations more easily. And when we listen, some of this is like married couples advice too. That'll be the next seminar. We listen not to respond. We listen to understand. So if when we ask our young person a question, hey, I noticed you've been you've been on social media a lot more. I just want to know what what's causing that. I'd love to hear about it. If as soon as they start talking, you're formulating your own response. You're not really listening. But if you're listening to try to really understand their experience, remember what I said, they have a really good authenticity meter.

They'll know. You're really trying to understand them. You're asking questions. Listening goes a long way as does curiosity. And when I say curiosity, it means showing interest in their world. Now, I don't really know what the kids are into these days. I'm now It was a lot easier when I was a 21-year-old youth pastor and I was ministering to kids who are like four years younger than me. Now, I'm like 20 years older than these kids. And uh I got no idea what they're into do. You probably do somewhat. Um, but whether or not you think you do or you don't, when you show curiosity in their world, it goes along the way. Hey, you really love that K-pop group. When I hear it, it's not my style. What do you love about them?

That one right there. The one who's dressed like that. What's that about? Oh, mom. They're not dressed weird. They just d Okay, cool. I didn't know. How do we show interest in their world? The World Cup just happened. Maybe your kid was really into it. Who are they rooting for? Did I didn't know you like soccer so much. It's funny. Every four years, Americans all pretend to be soccer experts for one month. For one month, I didn't know you love soccer so much. By the way, today, LeBron decided what team he's going to next. Some of you didn't even know he was not on the Cavaliers anymore, but he was on the Lakers for eight years. Today, he decided he's going to a new team. This morning when I saw your high schoolers for the first time or it was a leaders meeting. Um, I walked in like five minutes late and I said, they said, "Hey, pastors here." I said, "Sorry

guys, sorry guys. I was helping LeBron make his decision. He just chose his new team." They all got really quiet. Who Who was it? And I said, "Well, do you want to know or do you want to find out? Who was it, Pastor Jarron? Who was it? Was it the Warriors?" I said, "It wasn't the Warriors. Was it the Cavs? Wasn't the Cavs? Was it the Heat? I told you it's Heat. It wasn't the Heat. Was it Was it the Timberwolves? It's not the Timberwolves. Was it the Sixers? It's the 76ers. Philadelphia." Whoa. Oh, they all went crazy. I'm like, man, LeBron entered the league when I was in eighth grade, and he's still a topic of conversation. Showing interest in what they're interested in builds trust, builds credibility, and builds the ability to talk about things. Because what happens is, ah, check this out.

When you talk to them about sports or you talk to them about K-pop or you talk to them about whatever else they're into, it's an incredible avenue into the things you really want to talk about. So that K-pop group is a great segue into talking about relationships, into talking about sexuality, into talking about how we spend our money, how we spend our time, what our passions are. all from just asking them about a band that they listen to. When we show interest in their interest and when we have curiosity, it leads to deeper conversations. And of course, this only works if we do it in a spirit of non-judgment. And this can be really hard because you see the ways that they're not getting it right.

You see how much better they could be spending their time. You see how much better a studier they could be. and you're really scared that college is going to be more expensive for you because they didn't get the grades they should have when they were younger. And that's totally fair. Maybe you're really worried about them getting into that bad relationship with that kid who is not good enough for your kid. I mean, they actually aren't, but here they are going towards it. You're scared because you're a good parent. Thank you for caring enough to be scared. But those judgments have to be held at bay if you want your child to feel seen, valued, and heard.

So, hey, I noticed you've been spending more time with uh whatever their name is. Um, tell me about that. What do you like about them? Oh, I don't know. Nothing. Oh, okay. Okay. Well, I just noticed that you seem to just be having a good time, so I'm really glad to hear that. Uh, then, you know, next time you try again later, you know, like, oh, what do you guys like to do for fun? You know, oh mom, don't ask me those things. Like, okay, well, what do you want to talk about, takes time and it takes effort, but when it's not a spirit of judgment? When we hold bite our tongue to not criticize too quickly, and instead we're in a posture of listening, empathy, and curiosity, it's one step closer to healthy conversation, including in the hard things. By the way, I'm not saying there aren't times you need to put your foot down, set a boundary, and that's

it. But even that can be done in a spirit of compassion and non-judgment. Um, okay, I'm I'm kind of ending my uh time here. Uh, but there's I want to give you some resources that are helpful. Uh, there is this organization called Axis. This is a Christian organization, not an Adventist organization, but a Christian organization uh that's all about equipping parents with teenagers. It's a great organization, and they have this thing called the one conversation model. I'm actually going to mention Axis again shortly, but this thing called the one conversation model, um, which is essentially the idea of building trust with your team through ongoing lifelong dialogue rather than single formal lectures. So, you're having one continuous conversation throughout their upbringing, making dialogue more common.

and you use these daily moments, you use pop culture, you use what they love as entry points into discussing deeper, harder topics, and they provide resources to help make this happen. So, um, thinking of resources, I'm going to get back to access in a second here. Uh, but there's another one called One Love. One Love is an organization that's all about healthy relationships for young people is founded by this woman named Sharon Love who had a daughter in college who was in an abusive relationship that unfortunately her daughter did not survive. And so her mom Sharon created one love created one love that um that provides tools for telling the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships. I actually talked about this in my worships today. There we go. Um not today, this week. So you could even say, "Hey, did pas if your kids in the junior high or the high school worships, did Pastor Erin mention something called one

love?" And that was I think on Wednesday, so they might have forgotten about it already, but um he said the 10 signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships. Do did he talk about that? Do you remember what any of the signs were? Because I did talk about it. And I even gave them a little card that has the 10 signs of a healthy relationship on one side and the 10 sides of an unhealthy relationship on the other. And I told them, "Keep this. Put it somewhere where you'll remember it in your wallet, on your fridge. You, some of you might have a little card on your fridge when you get home. If so, that's a great win." um take a photo of it, whatever. Um, One Love provides these resources for healthy and unhealthy to know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships, including those 10 signs. It's a really good resource for when your child starts dating or is thinking about dating. And

by the way, they're already thinking about dating. So, it's good to be equipped on this. Uh, now let's get back to Axis. The website, by the way, is joinelove.org. joinelove.org. Now, Axis, which is axis.org, org, as I mentioned, uh has the one conversation model, but they have so many resources. It's really incredible. You can sign up for their weekly teen translator newsletter or culture translator, and every Friday in your inbox, you get three big things that are happening in teen culture that day. Here's a really popular song that uh just came out. Here's a new slang term that they're all saying. Here's a really popular Tik Tok that a lot of them are talking about right now, and it's written for the parent or the youth pastor because I get the newsletter and I read it. so I can know about their world and then it provides resources on how to talk about those things and it provides talking sheets on a lot of different topics that

are important to talk about with your team. So, Axis is a great organization and so as I wrap up uh my time here, we're going to see if we can play a video. I don't know if it's going to work. If it doesn't, big deal. But it's Axis talking about what they do. Let's see if uh if it'll work. I don't know. Hi, welcome to access a Christian nonprofit that translates teen culture to help parents, grandparents, youth leaders and other caring adults understand teachers teachers later reports that average spends over social streaming services and music all the impact of our culture pales in comparison to the impact after studying the spiritual lives of young people influences the greatest influence on their children's religious outcomes. No other institution or program comes close to shaping youth religious disadvant We believe each conversation a parent with their son or daughter is just part of the one conversation last Friday culture applications and conversation

starters. Every Tuesday our one conversation provides curated access resources based on current events. We also videos and parent guides on broader sometimes tougher topics ranging from social media, technology and cultural issues to identity, mental health, sex, gender, relationships and a great start to te.org to find resources on the timeless topics. Our top recommendation is to sign up for our most popular translation. We're here to support you and see the center of your thanks for letting us alongside you to be your research assistant in your parenting. So I'll I'll just say this. Um, I think Axis is the second best resource that there is for parents with their teenagers. And Isaac is going to talk about what I believe is the best resource for parents with teenagers. If I can ever be of help, reach out to me. My name is Pastor Eron Renker, Growing Young Leaders.

Thanks for letting me share. We're all experts in Can you hear me? Maybe. Check. Check. Check. We're all expert. What? We're all experts in something, right? Take a minute, turn to your neighbor and share one thing. If you don't know them, introduce yourself and share one thing that you are an expert in with your neighbor. This is a This is a hard exercise, but try it. Take a minute. We'll wait. Test test test. Maybe over there. Yep, that's enough. All right, take about 30 more seconds. All right. If we can gather back. So, what did you learn about your neighbor? Somebody just introduce your neighbor for me and say my neighbor is so and so and they are an expert in somebody.

You didn't get their name. Okay. This person right here is crocheting. All right. She is an expert in crocheting. All right. Anybody else? Okay. Patience. All right. You and I need to talk. Anybody else? All right. That's awesome. Anybody else want to share about your neighbor? Making mistakes. All right, I like that one. Sign me up. We're all experts in something. All right, whether it be professional or personal or relational. And sometimes it's hard to come to grips with that because whenever we identify ourselves as experts in something, the standard gets raised and the fall is harder. Is that right? And so what do we do? We sit quiet and we turn away and we hope that people will not come to us.

As was shared in this video, the core belief that we have in every age-based ministry is that parents are the primary spiritual influences in their children's lives. period. Which means living in this expert-driven world, your pastor, your child's music instructor, your child's teacher, their friend, their basketball coach. is not should not ever be the child's primary influence. That job is mine as my a parent to my two boys and yours as a parent to your children. Aaron's job, my job, the job of your pastors, your teachers is to support you and to provide you with resources and how to do that. And we take that very seriously. So, one of the things that we have noticed and I did a training with our pastors about two months ago and we were talking about something called gravitational centers of the family.

What does that mean? Probably about 10 or 15 years ago, we were talking about or we would hear in the community on TV about the third space. Do you know what that is? Who claimed the third space? Kevin's nodding his head. Starbucks claimed the third space. All right. Space number one was your home. Space number two was school or work. And the third space traditionally had been the church. And Starbucks says, "No, we will now become the third space. Come grab a cup of coffee, hang out with us, sit, build community. Great huge shift from the church being the center of life. If you ever been to Europe, you go through tours, go through towns and communities, and what do you notice? What's at the center of every town?

The church. Everywhere you go. And why is it at the center? It was not only the center of worship. It was a center of the entire community. For a long time, it was the only building or any entity that had a clock. They told you what to do, when, at what time. Usually about when you get up, when you go to work, when you go to school, when you come to worship, right? And slowly the center, the gravitational center of our families has shifted. What does that mean? The question that I ask myself, the question that I encourage my pastors to ask their families is, what drives your family calendar?

Anybody want to share? parents. That's who who that's parents are who drives the calendar. But what drives the calendar? What takes priority of scheduling your calendar? Kids. And what activities kids do? Sports. Say that again. Music. sports, music, what? Say it louder. I can't hear you. It's their social lives, right? When I was growing up and maybe when you were growing up, what drove my family's calendar, our gravitational center was church. I was tortured, maybe blessed, that wherever we went, whether it was on a social trip or a workshop from my parents, we found a church every weekend. I'll be honest. I avoid church on weekends. All right? Because Aaron, we work in churches. All right? Every weekend we're supposed to be at church. So when we're away, we shift.

I've got two boys that are living on the East Coast right now because they're pursuing basketball. Their entire lives revolve around travel ball. what happens on which weekend, how many days a week they're going to practice, their center of gravity is their basketball schedule. Why do we share this? Because it talks to us about what our priorities are. And I think that one of the things that as we develop curriculum, as we develop faith practices in our homes, it affords us opportunities to have conversations. It creates space for us to do that. And so at Growing Together, we talk about what something we call family disciplehip. We present a system where families can come together in a regular way where culture is established.

Culture is what happens between events. We go from weekend to weekend. We go from camp meeting to camp meeting or spiritual retreats or big weekends with music or tournaments. But the culture is what happens in between. It's the practice. So if we go to church every week, that's a weekly set thing. Disciplehip growth happens in the everyday workout. It's our devotional time. It's the creation of space to focus and have conversations around the topic of faith development. We're here and we were talking about some of the resources that we have and some of the tools that we can use. How many of you guys feel like as a parent you would make an excellent second income if you weren't an Uber driver for your child?

Yeah. How do you spend your days? Going from one place to another, right? Zigzagging around town sometimes three or four times a day, right? I've established something that I learned from a pastor friend of mine called the sacred 15. And it's whenever I pick up my child from wherever they're at. For those first 15 minutes, I turn off my phone or I put it away. Music goes off and I just sit there. Sometimes I'll ask him a question. Every anybody ever played high low buffalo? You guys know what that is? So I just sit there and ask a question. High low buffalo. High is what was the highest point of your day? What did you enjoy the most? Who did you spend that time with?

Low is what did you struggle with? What kind of brought you down? And then the buffalo is something just totally weird. Why in the world are we talking about this? So get in the car and I'll just say hi Lo Buffalo. All right. Or get in the car. They put on their headphones. All right. Or they kind of pretend to sleep. You guys have those kids? Yeah. Sacred 15. And sometimes you just have to kind of tell them why you're doing it. Hey guys, I'm putting my phone away. whatever you want to do. You can sit here quietly or we can talk or listen to music, but it's your time.

Okay? And after a while, maybe a couple of days, they'll say, "So today, blah blah blah blah blah blah." Oh, tell me more conversations about daily life, opportunities for spiritual influence, God moments. You know, I think it's wonderful that Erin mentioned several times that we're here. You've brought your children to be here. Some of us, if we can be honest, right, one parent came up and the other parent's back home, right? Because why? We want our kids to be exposed to spiritual growth and friends and the experiences that we have. But what would happen if and and I'm talking I'm not talking about one moment in time. I'm talking about consistency, right? What would happen if one parent consistently did not go on family vacation?

What message would your children perceive? Anybody? Huh? Right. That parent doesn't want it's not part of the family experience. Right. And if consistently, and I'm not saying this is happening here, right? But if consistently one parent is not part of a set experience, and let's call this camp meaning spiritual experience, what message are we inadvertently sending to our kids? It's not important to that parent, right? Because it's not a family thing. My faith development is not a family thing. It's something that I'm supposed to go figure out with my friends or my pastor they hear that I only see once a year, right? So, something to kind of think about is consistency in what we do and why we do it, right?

Every year for probably about 15 years, I would get this similar conversation happen to me about Marchish without fail. Erin and I were part of the same church together and we had an academy with us and I was responsible for teaching fifth grade sex at And about March of every year, I would get my members, my parents texting me or stopping me at church saying, "When are you having the conversation?" What conversation? You know, you got to have it. We're struggling. Well, have you had the conversation? No. Oh, why not? No, I can't have that conversation. That's what you're for. And so we would have the conversation. Here's my challenge to myself and to you.

the more uncomfortable the conversation. Can I encourage you as parents to have it? Because if you don't, someone else will. And you may not want that someone else to be the source of information. I can't tell you how many times when I sit in that success class, I get the most amazing stories of what they think sex is. It just baffles my mind, right? But it's factual to them. And when I ask them, "Where'd you hear that?" "Oh, so and so told me." Oh, okay. I sure hope it wasn't your mom or dad telling you that. the more challenging the conversation. Take a deep breath, pause, talk to your partner, say, "How are you to do this?"

Because it matters. Because my child needs to have accurate information from a trusted person. And there's no better person to do that than me. A word for our solo parents. Solo parenting in so many ways is hard and people are solo parents for so many different reasons, right? So there's no judgment there. But as you solo a parent, there's also some very easy things that are easier to do as solo parents because the only person you have to consult is who? Yourself, right? So there's that. But whenever we have conversations, just like we have conversations with our partners, a united front goes so far with our kids. Going back to the whole roller coaster theory, right?

If one parent says one thing and another parent says another thing, they'll probably throw out their shoulder. Mom says this and dad says this. I don't know what to think. United Front creating spaces encouraging our kids with spaces to just sit. Culture happens between events. Family disciplehip occurs between events. 85% of parents believe that they have the primary responsibility to disciple their children, but less than 10% have a plan for their kids spiritual development. Going back to our gravitational centers, where do we place the value for our families? what takes priority in our families. And as pastors and as teachers, we want to come alongside of you and help you and encourage you with resources and support.

I love this quote from Mimi Larson and Robert Keley. Over the past several decades, the church has convinced parents that the professionals can do a better job of forming their kids into Christians than they can. Although research shows the role of parents is much more important. I I love the fraction and I've shared this pretty much every time I present about this topic. One over 168. One over 168. You guys know what that fraction is about? At best, the average child gets one hour of spiritual development and exposure every week out of 168 hours. That means the expert in your child's life, if you bring them to church, will get one hour with their youth pastor.

Who has access to the other 167? It's not the pastor, right? Hopefully the parents have say over who controls those other 167 hours in a week. We just want to be a support for that. In Deuteronomy chapter 4, we have this beautiful illustration of how we experience the spiritual life here. Oh God, here Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, when you get up, tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Every aspect of our lives is an opportunity to grow together. Growing together is a curriculum that we developed because we wanted to help families study the scriptures and experience spiritual growth in concert from the birth through parenthood creating a resource for wonderful conversations to opportunities to happen. We focus on five things. We want to present a healthy, loving image of God. We want it to be age appropriate. We want it to explore the Bible critically and comprehensively. It covers all 28 fundamental beliefs throughout a three-year cycle. It prioritizes churches and families learning together. And it's relevant for today's family and faith rhythms.

And we have curriculum starting from birth through PK and kindergarten all the way up through parents and young adults and opportunities for growing together at home with kids podcasts led by Pastor Sam and her kids as well as daily videos on Instagram with devotionals from our par pastors three times a week or five days a week that growing young leaders is also a part of. And then we have a podcast for young adults called The Word Reimagined. All resources that supplement and create space and conversations as well as videos and devotionals for children. Our our app is available as a wonderful resource to help you with all of your daily devotions for your kids from birth all the way up through parents.

And now we want to take a little bit of time to talk about some questions that you guys might have. So Erin, if you want to come on up, talk about some of the frameworks that we've been talking about. Now, how do we do it? Go back to the app. I just want to say something about this curriculum that Isaac's talking about. Um Isaac's a very humble man and so he doesn't acknowledge that he was one of the core founders of this uh curriculum many years ago. And uh this has been pretty revolutionary I would say uh in the Adventist church um mainly on the west coast but there are churches and conferences that subscribe to this uh all the way to the east coast as well because it takes a different approach towards discipling our children as it relates to both Sabbath school the church and the home and uh if you've met pastor or Dr. Samantha Peralta who is

the director now of this program. Uh she will talk about how transformational having a guide like this can be and um it's only because of pastors like Isaac who saw the need for families to have greater support in how they foster family disciplehip. Um so I believe as a youth pastor I've never seen a resource quite like this uh for families both for children youth and young adults. Um, and the fact that it is Seventh Day Adventist because so many resources we have, we kind of have to advertise it before we use it. But growing together is Adventist. It is produced, curated, crafted by a team of 7th Adventist pastors and teachers just makes it unlike really anything I think the church has ever had. So, uh, we hope that it can be of help to you, your families, uh, and your churches. Um, so yeah, if there are any questions about parenting, teenagers, difficult conversations, curriculum, uh, I don't

know what else, then we're happy. We have a few more minutes. Um, if not, we're happy to give you the extra time as well. So, any any questions, comments, or concerns? Yeah. Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Yeah, kind of a a way that it differs from maybe a more, let's say, a traditional uh curriculum in Adventism is that every age is studying the same story throughout the church at their age level. So that's why it contributes to more intergenerational conversation because the children are studying what the teens are studying what the adults are studying and then it leads to conversation throughout the week on it. So thank you for for pointing that out.

I think that's a really revolutionary piece to this. Yeah. We shouldn't have the church be so separate from the home, right? They should be working in concert together. Yeah. Yeah. So it it depends is the answer. Um for a single church depending on your membership numbers. Um so we kind of tar it to help our churches get in. Um so it starts at $250 a month and then it goes on up depending on your church size. Um if you are in a conference that is a conference subscriber then that cost gets reduced drastically. So if you are a church within South Eastern California conference that creates this this program then the conference pays for it completely free. So any of our 170 churches can access it for for free. Do you know what conference you're from?

Washington conference. I believe that the North Pacific Union is a union subscriber or will be very shortly. And so if you go through them, your cost will be pretty pretty reasonable. Uh there are also before you uh go out, there are some samples of the curriculum outside, right? Um and a booth and Isaac will be out there to to show it uh as well if that's helpful. Any other questions that you have? Well, thank you very much for giving us this time. Uh we are happy to talk more with you if we can be helpful. Feel free to reach out again. Aaron Renker with Growing Young Leaders, Isaac Kim with SECCC Youth Ministries and Growing Together. And I just would love to say a prayer before we go as you continue through the beautiful, challenging, holy work of caring for and raising your teenagers. Thank you for what you do.

Jesus, I want to lift up these wonderful people in this room who pour in day in and day out into their beloved young people. And God, sometimes that is hard work. And sometimes they wonder, "Am I doing this right, Lord? Why is this so hard? Is is it this hard for everybody else?" And God, in those moments especially, we pray that your presence, your spirit would be especially close. May they know, Lord, what a wonderful job they are doing. And that sometimes the reason it's hard is because of how much they care. I pray God that your spirit of grace and compassion will be amongst these parents Lord their families and their kids and that if growing together can be a resource that's helpful for their disciplehip Lord that that can be made possible that anything that was said today can be helpful Lord we praise you for that we thank you God for your goodness and we thank you for our kids we pray this