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Um then when we're thinking about how we correct our children or when we think about addressing concerns that we have with them, are we first kind of taking the time to examine ourselves first? Like are we in a stable emotional, you know, state um to be able to interact in a way that's healthy and that can also model emotional regulation in all of these things. Okay. And then finally, um, this last one, Psalm 139:23-24. Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there's any offensive weight in me and lead me in the way everlasting. So again, this is really like a powerful prayer and a desire that I think we need to come um before our kids, you know, moment by moment, day by day, right? to really um get to the point where we can be the parents who we need to be to lead our children. Our children are changing every single day. We're going to be talking about that a little bit. I think

Israel will later on, but it's not just like a oneandone. It's not, you know, it's like a constant like, okay, Lord, like what do I need to do today? Like where am I at right now? Um how do I address this situation? Right? and rather than going by impulse, actually taking the time to be um deliberate in our processing and um our decision- making. So, I asked Uncle Chat, this is a prompt that I asked Uncle Chat, okay? And this is what Uncle Chat came up with for us. Self-reflection in parent, this is the prompt. Self-reflection in parenting is the practice of examining and checking your own triggers, emotions, and behaviors.

It prevents you from reacting impulsively to your child's actions, allowing you to respond intentionally and with greater empathy. This also enables you to model healthy emotional regulation for your kids. Okay, so that was a prompt and this is what um Uncle Chad gave us. Okay, don't look at that word healthy on the bottom because it doesn't say healthy. But this is kind of the um foundation of this exercise. So, we're going to just kind of pass these out to everybody. Okay. Um and you don't have to like finish a whole thing. I don't know. Some of it might take some time, but I'm going to talk about what there's like a front and back little worksheet, okay, that we're going to do. All right.

The first one is on one side it's a parenting autobiography and on the flip side is a triggers inventory. Okay. Um and so we're going to start with the the parenting autobiography and what that is. So the purpose of a parenting autobiography is actually to identify and recognize inherited traits. So again, I think this is so crazy because if you're in Pastor Joey's um um meeting this morning, he actually talked about something. I think he called it like a genopile genog. Okay, thank you. I was like, it was a geno something. Yeah. And I was so interested in that because I'm like, wow, it sounds kind of like some like a very very very in-depth version of um a parenting autobiography, right? where um essentially you're going to be reflecting on your own experience as a child like in the childhood home that you grew up in, right? Um and so let me see here if I can go over those questions very quickly too.

Okay, let me see if I can I have an extra sheet. Okay, so there are a series of questions there that I want you to just think about. I think one of the questions is um to think about a story or a memory of how your family like communicates, right? How it communicates emotions, how it communicated success, all of these things. So, uh the whole purpose is just to kind of do a little bit of reflection and maybe think about what were things that you really appreciated, what were things that you clearly want to avoid in the next generation moving forward, right? Um, and to be aware, be aware of where you're at. So, sometimes we respond with like a knee-jerk reaction.

You hated the childhood that you grew up with, right? Or, you know, that you grew up in. And so, you're automatically doing everything opposite. Okay? Which is fine, but it's important to be to recognize what you're doing, right? And still have that intentionality of, you know, yes, I'm making these deliberate decisions, but they're not rash decisions. They're not um emotional like emotionally impulsive responses. It's we're being deliberate. Okay. All right. So, we can take some time to do that. Um and then on the flip side, and then I'm going to let you go so you can just work on this. On the flip side is a triggers inventory, a parenting triggers. So triggers inventory um it's it's really like a personal mapping tool, okay, to really help us identify root causes of our emotional dysregulation.

So I know again we probably have a spectrum of ages here maybe represented like maybe you have a very young son, maybe you have adult children that you're also navigating a relationship with. Um, but I think this this it's really important to again recognize what your triggers are. I know that sometimes as a community we just like we can kind of find humor in the fact that like we got beat down as children, you know, like there was a lot of anger in the home, right? It was just like everything was so strict and you know, we just had to deal with it. We had to just that's how we built resilience, right? Um but I do think it's really important as parents again if we really want to model um emotional regular or we want to build emotional regularity that we can identify what are the things that actually trigger us and I feel like we'll find that we're triggered by the things that we did that triggered our

parents. Right? So really take the time to go through this and then the heart level triggers on that bottom part. I'm going to talk speak a little bit to that. Um it this is kind of like recognizing when we get angry, when we get mad, anger actually is typically um like a like a um it's not the primary emotion. It's typically a secondary emotion, right? Have you guys heard that before? It's like, oh, usually we're just like, "Oh, I'm mad." Okay. But if we do a little bit of digging, actually we might find that we're not really mad at our kids because they did their room is messy. We're actually feel worried about them because we're like, "What if they go to college and they're going to be a mess?" Or, um, maybe when the kids talk back, we're not necessarily mad at them because they talk back. We're actually deeply hurt, right? Or we feel disrespected. Okay.

So, we're going to do a little bit of naming. Um, again to go a little bit deeper beyond just like, oh, I'm mad, I'm happy, whatever. Um, to identify what these triggers are and maybe h once we name it, once we can identify it, the steps that we can take to really come to the point where we can um recognize it and and address it. Okay. So, we're going to give you a few minutes to fill this worksheet out. All right. Maybe we can um keep on going and then at the end we'll try to finish a little bit early and then we'll have more time to I did half one side of the document so I still have the other side to do. So, um, we have very, very different approaches to life and that spills over. Jun and I have very different approaches to life and that spills over into parenting.

It's funny because when we first got married, we um we we did the MyersBriggs uh personality test uh because our friend was doing it with his fiance that he was about to mar get married to. So he he conned us all into doing that. And at the end of that time, we I compared my my personality with Judy's and it was the exact opposite. And um and so then some time passed and we had a Christmas vacation and and Judy's older sister Julie had just I think she just finished her residency and um she she had taken a personality test and she wanted the whole family her whole family to take the test and so we did that and I discovered that my personality actually shifted a little bit. It became more like Judy's. Uh the the challenge was that her personality shifted too and and we still remained opposites and um so we have we have maintained this cycle of of opposites.

Uh the nice part about it is that um when we are enjoying life, it's like a romantic comedy, you know, she's saving me from my uh craziness, you know, and I'm saving her from being in a box all her whole entire life, doing everything right. I tell her that, you know, she has a white sheet of paper. She did everything exactly how she was supposed to do that. But there is one there's one black dot and that dot is me. You know, I messed up her perfect life. And then mine is the opposite. I did so many things that were wrong or went a different way, non-traditional paths, and then she somehow found a way to get into into my crazy life. And so we have uh whenever things are nice, we have this romantic comedy. Whenever things are not going well, it's it's a horror movie. And so it's either or. We get to choose. There's nothing in between. And so all of that to say that uh the way that she processes is very different from the way that I process as a parent.

And um my what I will be sharing with you is my self-reflections on just my encounters with my kids and where I stand now. So there's no uh there's no research involved in this. I am the research. So here we go. This is all copyrighted by me please. So all right. So, one of the things that I've realized uh over over um over my life journey is the impact that women have on defining who we become as men. Uh and so I say that women actually are the ones that make men. Not to say that men or fathers don't have an impact in who their sons become because that is true to a very large extent. a father will actually teach their child how to live life emotionally. And we'll get to that in just a little bit. But it's interesting to me that, you know, as as I was growing up as a teenager and then into my early 20s and so forth, there are many times when you hang out with the guys and the guys will tell you, another man will tell will tell me, you know,

you're you're like a real man. you know, you're like you can do this or you can do that and this makes you this make this is what defines you as a man. Or you have other other fathers that might say you're a good father. other other the affirmation of men has a certain impact on me as a male. But it's interesting and I don't know if you've noticed this maybe in your own life that nothing impacts your manliness or your manhood as much as what the women that you care about or love what they think about you as a man. And same with the woman, right? You can be the most beautiful woman in the world. You can be like a model. You can be, you know, viewed by society as very, very beautiful. Your friends, your girlfriends can tell you that you're super duper pretty, but unless a man tells you, but when a man tells you that you're pretty, all all of a sudden it changes. It gives you a different insight into who you really are as a woman. And so I think that to a large

extent, women impact significantly the identity of a man. If you look at the uh the book of Genesis, Genesis chapter 2 and verse 22, we find a little bit of this. Uh Dr. Richard Davidson wrote a book called The Flame of Yahweh, Sexuality in the Old Testament. It's an enormous volume. And there he says something significant about this text in Genesis chapter 2 and verse 22. It's it's a text that many of you are already familiar with. But God creates Adam. He forms him out of the dust of the earth. He breathes into him the breath of life. And then God recognizes that Adam needs a helper that is suitable for him. And so he causes Adam to fall asleep. And as Adam is sleeping, God then creates Eve. He brings a woman into his life.

And the Bible says that when this takes place that God brings Eve over to Adam and Adam finally for the first time beholds this woman who will be his wife. And the Bible records the encounter in this way. It says in verse 23, "Then the man said, this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. What Dr. Davidson says about this text which resonated very much with me is that it is when Adam sees Eve that he actually recognizes who he is as a man and who she is as a woman. It is when he sees Eve that actually uh it's this is Hebrew or this is poetry, right?

The man is so in love with Eve. Adam is so in love with Eve that the way that he expresses this encounter is in is in poetic language. The first poem that is recorded in in the history of mankind where Adam says Eve is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. In other words, more than describing who Eve is as bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh, there's actually a dual understanding or a dual meaning that Adam in seeing Eve's in seeing Eve understands who he is. He sees her and then he says, "She is bone of my bones. She is flesh of my flesh. I am a man of bone and flesh and I understand who I am based on understanding who she is and the value that she brings into my life.

And so uh for Adam discovers who he is after Eve enters into his life and he understands who he is as a man by understanding who she is as a woman. Something important. This brings out two important things uh for me that I'd like to share with you. The first thing is that it is important as parents, especially parents of younger children, that it is important for us to make sure that the right women are involved in the lives of our young men, our young boys, because they will shape in many ways. They will shape who they become. They will shape their identity in so many ways. Uh, young boys will develop to be who they are by trying to interact or by intersecting or by earning the love of the women that they themselves love.

Whether it's their moms, their aunts, their friends in school, eventually their life partners. These women will to a large degree create and impact the identity of who they will become as men. And so it's important for us to uh bring the right women into the lives of our children as they're growing up. The second um the second thing that is uh important here that I'd like to share with you is the important of once our uh boys grow into manhood to let them know the significance and the importance of making the decision of choosing a right the right life partner of guarding the women that they will fall in love with because that choice of who they choose to love because love is ultimately a choice. It is a feeling as well, but it is ultimately a choice that we choose to embrace uh or it's a feeling that we choose to embrace. And so the second thing that I think it's important for

for us to stress with our boys when they transition from boys to men is to be very very careful about the women they choose to love and who will ultimately become their life partner. Because although they might not have as much of a choice in who they become, their identity based on on on because the women will play a significant role in that, they do have the choice of who they will choose to love. And so that is something that uh has been sitting with me and something that I've communicated especially with my oldest son who is now uh 20. The second thing uh here is uh adjusting for who they are. This is Romans 12 and verse 1 and two. Uh Paul talks to us about um not being conformed to this world but being transformed. He says by the renewing of your mind. When Paul is talking about transformation that takes place through the renewing of our mind, he's talking about an ongoing process.

This process of renewal is not something that happens once or twice, but it is something that is continual and ongoing. Meaning that as human beings we are constantly growing. We are not static. And so uh identity is not something that takes place once in life but it is something that continues to evolve over time. It is not something that is static but is something that grows. And because our children are are growing it is important for us as parents to acknowledge that not just cognitively but experientially and to make adjustments to meet those uh to meet those changes. I remember uh one time our oldest boy Manu he has been out of the three boys he has been the one that has pushed back the least whenever we've asked him to do something which kind of is is nice in way in one way another way it kind of scares me because I don't know if he's doing bad things behind our back you know and and I'm like man I'm going to find out one of these days that

he was doing some crazy stuff but um I remember whenever we asked him to do something he would always do it he would never complain. And it was and it was uh it was sometimes it was funny and sad at the same time because you know you ask the question, "Hey, Manu, do you want to go take the trash out for me?" And then we're forcing him to say, "Yes, I want to take out the trash for you." Even though, you know, he doesn't want to do it, but he's willing to do it. There were many times when that happened. And so Manu would always respond very positively. Every time we asked him to do something, never had to ask him to do it twice. If he knew what you were thinking that you wanted him to do, he would do it. this is just the kind of person he was.

And I remember when he hit his teenage years that I asked him to do something and he began to kind of push back a little bit letting me know that this is not something that he wanted to do. I I I forgot what it was. And I pushed back and I told him that even though he did not want to do this, that he had to do it because he had to obey me because I was his father. That was essentially the way the conversation went. And I remember looking into his eyes. By that time he was tall enough that I can see him look at him eye to eye. And and I remember looking in his eyes and I saw in his eyes a certain rebellion that I had never seen before. He was telling me with his eyes, I I'm obeying you because you're forcing me to obey you, but not because I want to obey you. and I'm actually upset by the fact that you have

this power over me that that that forces me to obey you. And I was shocked because it was the first time in my life that I'd ever encountered that. And I realized after that time, I realized I need to adjust how I interact with my son because he is no longer the 5-year-old boy that you can just tell him to do this and he's going to do it and it's going to be okay. Now, there's an internal struggle that's going to take place that in the long run, if I continue to behave in this way with my son, our relationship's going to be fractured. And so, I realize that I have to adjust uh I have to adjust in how I interact with uh how I interact with my son. And this is something that I think it's important for us to think about in in on our journey with our children. What what place am I in now with my with my son?

What place am I in now with my children where that's going to determine or impact how I interact with them as a teenager? What do I need to do? How do I need to interact with them to help them navigate these difficult years or as they grow into adulthood? What do I what what what should my role be on this next phase of my journey? And uh I think that that is something that has been uh very important for us to to consider and to understand. The third thing is um the uh expressing ourselves expression of ourselves. This uh and Judy mentioned this a little bit ago uh which is our second son Micah.

Sometimes we wonder, you know, we wonder if if he has a heart, you know, we wonder does he does he love anything in this world. Uh and and it's funny. I was I was going to share this with you, but I probably won't. So, our son Micah, he just graduated from high school. and um and and you know during the graduation weekend I was kind of thinking like about his journey you know as he was if you were here for yesterday's um talk when Judy was sharing she shared a picture of Micah and he's a little boy he's cute super chubby and he was a very very happy child very talkative and um and now he's in high school he's graduating and and I'm getting all of these thoughts all of these feelings are kind of merging in into my mind like he's now finished with with high school. He's going to go into college and and he's going to become, you know, uh whatever he's going to

pursue. He's going to he's going to become a man. And uh you know because we're having a lot of conversations and our iPhones listen to what we're saying. All of a sudden I get all these you know my my uh my algorithm on on Instagram is like all of this father stuff you know father poems from fathers to their sons and all of these different things and I'm just kind of just consuming all of this stuff and I'm like sitting there in my couch and I'm crying and I'm just like going to the next one crying again going next one just crying again. And and there's all of these like stories and poems of like my son, you know, you will always be a little child in my eyes and you will always have a place to run to no matter what life brings you, you can always come home. And you know, I still even though you're pursuing your dreams, like you're always going to be a little boy to me. And I'm like, this is what I want to share with him. And so I

sent it to him. And I was like looking through my Instagram just right now to see, you know, he hasn't even seen it yet. It doesn't even show that it's seen. And I was like, you know what? This guy's not even watching what I'm sending him. And then there are other stuff that I'll send him and he's like, he sees that, but he doesn't see this. And then there's a poem. I sent him a poem. I like wrote him I wrote him like this whole thing about how proud I am of him. And it was like this is a long text. He doesn't like he doesn't give it a thumbs. He doesn't like it. He doesn't respond. He doesn't say okay. He doesn't say noted. Even at work, someone say, "You know what? All right. Noted what you're saying. Okay, we got it right. He has zero response.

And I this made me think to myself like, should I continue to speak to my son and to express my feelings to him about what he means to me or what I want him to be? Or should I just, you know, if he's not going to respond, then forget him. Like, I'm not going to I'm not going to talk to him about these things. Now, it's funny because I'm Mexican and in in the Mexican household, there's a lot of affection, you know, there's a lot of affection. Even even my my father passed away seven years ago and and the the last thing that I did with my father was I kissed him goodbye, you know, and as a as a grown adult. And and growing up, you know, growing up it you always even though you're a man, you go and you kiss your grandfather even though he's a man.

You kiss your dad even though he's a man. And and the uncle's a little bit, you know, iffy. You know, you might not want to kiss your uncle because they might think you're strange, but sometimes you do. So, it's like a lot to navigate. All right? It's there's a lot to navigate. But but growing up, my children have known even though they feel uncomfortable when they're around their friends. I will when I visit them at school, I will still to this day, even though they're 20 years old, 18 years old, I will still kiss them and force them to kiss. They don't always kiss me back, but I will kiss them and sometimes force them to kiss me back.

But after this, no response. I'm like, you know what? He's not getting any more kisses. You know, forget this guy. He wants to live life on his own. He no kisses. He doesn't get the credit card either. You know, he's going to live life on his own. And um the problem with that is that if I was to tell him that, he'd be like, "That's fine." He's like, "I don't need you anyway. Actually, you're saving money. You're saving money with me because I'm not living in your house and you know, you're paying tuition, but you're not really paying a lot." And so, you know, we don't want to go down that road. But what I recognized was that regardless of what how my child responds to my communication, it's important for him to know who I am and what I think about him and it's up to him to do whatever he wants with that. We cannot establish a relationship with our sons based on how they respond

to our expressions, but rather we have to form a foundation hoping that in the long run when they themselves get older and become fathers, they will have learned to develop uh um at least have a picture or an example of what it means to be a father who loves them. Uh so I do I do think that communication is like a window. Uh, I've realized that many times in my life I've spent time trying to open a closed window or close an open window. And I spent so much energy trying to get my children to communicate with me when uh when our son, our oldest boy, there's a video that pops up on Facebook every once in a while and and it makes me very sad because we're having this conversation at meal time and my son is is telling me about a a mommy birdie that he saw on a tree and whether I want to go see it or not, but I'm so engrossed with something else

that I'm ignoring what he's saying to me. And I don't obviously I don't know it at that time. this is now 10, 20 years later and and and everyone's thinking about how cute his voice sounds and I was like actually he's speaking to me and I'm not even responding to what he's saying. And it really made me sad and and um we spent time, you know, when our kids come to us and they want to talk to us but we're too busy. We're closing that window. We're spending all of our energy trying to close that window or then afterwards they reach their teenage years and we want it we want them to talk to us. We want them to tell us everything that's going on in their lives and we're trying to force that window open even though they're not in a place where they want to communicate. Rather than trying to focus on opening and closing windows, I think it's more important for us to be a stable and a steady example of what it

means to uh to express ourselves to them and let them do whatever they wish to do with that and hopefully it'll make an impact in the long run. Um there is um there is a a passage um that in the Bible talks about God's expression about his people and it's in uh Isaiah chapter 43 and he says God is speaking to Israel. He says uh fear not for I have called you. He says I have called you by your name. you are mine. And I love this passage. Then he says, you know, when you pass through the waters, you know, they won't overflow you. When you pass through the fire, it will not burn you.

What I love about this passage is that God here is the one that's defining his relationship with his people. He says, you you're mine. You don't have a choice. You're not I'm not giving you the choice of whether you belong to me or not. I'm the one that has called you by your name. You belong to me. This is something that I have determined and I think that this is a beautiful expression that God has towards his people that it is something that we can then express to our children as well that we define the relationship. They are they are they belong to us because they are a product or an expression of our love that will be there for them for forever.

Um, and and this this this love is what forms the foundation of of of their reality. What this has done for me, this understanding of of of learning how to navigate my expressions with my with my sons, what it has done for me is um a couple of things. I had a conversation with with my son um a few months ago. It's fairly recent. This is the last serious conversation I had with my with my oldest boy. He's now in college. He's been in college for a couple of years. I don't see him much. Every time I see him, we have kind of, you know, uh the relationship that we have is is is not as frequent as it was.

And we something came up that was that was pretty serious. It was a pretty serious conversation that we had. So serious that I was trying to process in my mind I had to drive all the way to to to school two hours to visit him and and to have a hard conversation with him. He did not know what was coming. And so I went to visit him at school. I said, "Hey, can I take you out to eat?" He said, "Okay." We went out to eat. And then after we ate then I I asked him a very difficult question. His response was he his response was um let's just say a difficult situation conversation resulted so much so that he's like I never want to eat at that restaurant again. He's like every time you come and you ask me to eat to go to that restaurant which I love the food he was like that is traumatic so I don't want to eat there anymore. Uh, and we had a conversation

and and as a result of that conversation that I had with them, I was like, I have to tell your mom about our conversation. She needs to know what happened. Which then now raises the the level of anxiety, you know, in this relationship because now both parents know and how do you navigate that and then this gets out of control and so forth and so on. And so as we were sitting down and we were trying to navigate through these things and we were trying to figure out an honest way to have a discussion, we got to the point where I had like I had an aha moment as I was looking at my son and I told him, which is something that every parent here is going to resonate with.

I said, 'You know, there's there's nobody in this world that is going to be on your team more than I am as your father because there's absolutely I have nothing to gain from your success. If you become a millionaire, it it has zero effect. Well, maybe it does have an effect on me actually. Yeah. But whatever happens in your life does not has zero effect. I have nothing to gain from anything that you gain. The only reason why I'm on your side is simply and only because I love you. You're my son. That's the only reason. Now your friends, even your if if if you get married, even your wife, all of these people will have something to gain. But from the moment that you were born, your mom and I have only had everything to lose. You know, I was Mr.

Mr. uh Mr. Mom at home when our son, our firstborn was born because Judy was working, teaching at school. And so I had to stay home with him and because she had to go to work early, I had to feed him at night and change his diaper and all that. It was horrible. It was horrible. It was like the worst experience of my life. It's like, you know, you have to feed the baby. You can't get mad because if you're mad then he gets anxiety and then he burps it all out and then he wakes up in an hour instead of two and then you have to go through the whole process. You have to be nice and kind and gentle and then he won't go to sleep. You can't get mad because if he if you get mad then he notices and then it's like, you know, so I was controlling everything that Judy was eating. Don't eat broccoli because

it's going to give him gas. You know, all of this stuff. I was like, this is like the worst thing in the world. You know, if dads had to take care of babies, we have a lot less children in this world, right? Because after that, I was like, I'm done. We don't need any more children. And from the time I told him, from the time that you were born, you know, we spent money on you. We loved you before you even loved us. You kept us up at night. You were like super selfish and and and all. And it's amazing even though you've ruined our lives, it's amazing how much we love you, right?

It's amazing how much we love you. And so if we loved you when you were ruining our lives and when you destroyed, you know, I could have been a long-distance, you know, marathoner. Uh, but I gave that up to have a son. And um, if we loved you then, how much more are we going to love you now that we actually have been able to see you develop into the person that you are? No one's going to love you more in this life on this earth more than I love you, more than your mother loves you. So that is something that I've expressed to him and that I think has been significant in my relationship with him.

And so with that, I told him, I said, 'I hope that this knowledge, I hope that this knowledge will give you the security to know that there is nothing in this world that you can do that would ever sever that kind of love that I have for you. I was like, if you ever murder someone, I want the first phone call to be to me. Any mistake that you make in life, I don't ever want you to think to yourself, I cannot call home because I'm afraid. I want to be the first phone call that you make because I want you to know that here at home, you have a place that will always be for you. And I think that that has been for myself that has been the greatest thing that I've been able to express to my child in his adult years that has helped in my relationship with him. So all that to say that the expression of self has been something that um that has been fruitful for me and for my sons at

at this point because it can change by next year, right? So so yeah. All right, let's uh move quickly to the next couple of slides. This is something that we have uh quotation that has been meaningful to us. Everybody here knows is not something that we need to uh um that we need to say. Everybody, parenting is the most difficult thing that we've ever done in our lives, right? Because we're having this conversation during lunch. You know, you're you're living your life and you're thinking you're making like the best decisions. You've read like 25 different books even before they were born. And then you find out five years later that you did something that you had like the best intentions, but somehow did not land right and now they hate you for it. And then you're thinking like, I did not know I made a mistake. and you're trying to figure that mistake out and how to rectify it, but you can't because it's too late because you don't remember what the mistake was. And so, it is super hard.

And I found this quotation to be very meaningful. It says, "Deal honestly and faithfully with your children. Work bravely and patiently. Fear no crosses. Spare no time or labor, burden or suffering." I like to think of this last sentence as a promise. The future of your children will testify the character of your work. This can be a warning, but it can also be a promise. And I like to look at it as a promise. Children don't come with instructions. Even God in a perfect world had a child that did not turn out right. But the promise for us is that the investment that we make as parents into our children, even though many times we don't even know what we're doing, will by the grace of God have a character that is uh worthy of the work that we put into it.

There is and we can close with this. There is uh tradition a Hebrew tradition where uh parents would bestow a blessing upon their children especially upon their boys but upon all their children. And you find these uh blessings that are recorded throughout scripture. You know, when when uh when Jacob was finally able to see his son Joseph, he bestowed not only upon him but upon his grandchildren also this this this blessing. We have blessings that are given to us that God uh told Aaron to to give the priestly blessing to his children that very famous the Lord bless you and keep you make his face shine upon you and give you peace.

So blessing our sons, blessing our children can be an expression of a hope that we have for them. What is it that we would hope our sons to be, to become, to have a hope? It can also be expressed not just as a hope of what we wish for them to become, but also as a request to God that God would do this for our children. So after we had that after I had that hard conversation with my son, I realized that sometimes it's best actually not to engage in conflict with them, but instead to take whatever I want to say to him, to take that to God. Because when we don't see eye to eye and we have conflict, it's going to make them not want to come home, right? right? Or it's going to make them not want to talk to us. And so we made the decision. We were discouraged and we made the decision not knowing what to do. We said we're going to we're going to actually instead of having these difficult conversations with our kids every time we feel the

urge to do so, we're going to instead dedicate time every day to pray for our children. Uh and so we have our alarm set which my alarm was ringing as we were having this convers uh this this uh meeting together. We set aside aside some time every every day on the on the hour that our children uh were their birthdays are where we pause whatever we're doing even at work I'll stop if I'm having a meeting I'll stop and then we'll have I'll have a special prayer for my son. So this has been something that we've been practicing now for a while. That's our form of blessing our sons. Um praying for them every day specifically outside of the morning and evening. We want to encourage you to also think about a practice of blessing your sons. Maybe it's writing a letter to them or sending them something on Instagram if if you think your kids will respond to that. Maybe you don't care if

they do or not. But think about something, some way in which you feel that you'd want to express to your children, to your sons in this case, but your children generally if you'd like to. One, what is your hope for them? Or two, what is it that you're asking God to do for them? And and I think it'd be good. I think I think our kids can benefit from us sharing with them what we're praying for them about, right? uh even if it means like son I want you to know that I'm praying with all of my heart that you will start coming to church or that you will follow God with all your heart or whatever it is that you know that you you think uh you need to pray about. So, uh, we want to maybe give you a little bit of time to think about maybe write something to your sons that is in a form of a blessing, um, or to create some kind of tradition that that you think might be helpful in

in blessing your sons. Is there anything you want to add to this? Okay. So, um, we do have like I brought some cards and paper. I don't know. We didn't want to like force everybody to write something to their their their children, but um maybe what we can do is pass it out and see if people would want it or have them come if they want one. Okay, maybe just like by a show of hands, is anyone interested in in using the stationary and writing something to their son, a message? Okay, perfect. So, um I'll we can pass them out. Um, and so maybe we can I can help you. Just do Yeah, just raise your hand.

Okay, maybe what we can do is just have like a closing prayer and then people who feel like they want to go can go, you know, to release them and then the rest of you can feel free to hang out and if you want to complete your form or the card. Okay, so let's bow our heads. Our loving father in heaven, we want to thank you for this opportunity to spend time together and to um reflect a little bit about our roles as parents to our sons. And we um collectively as as a as a group ask that you'll be with our sons in a very special way. That you will bless us as we um labor for them, as we raise them, as we love them, that you will help us to be more like you. um and throughout um the difficulties and challenges, but also through the joys and the triumphs. And um we're just so thankful that you are on this journey with us, that you have promised to be by

our side, that you've promised to be with us and transform us and to change us into the parents that um you want us to be. So we thank you for all these things and we pray all these things in Jesus name. Amen. Thank you guys.